Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Mom's Letter to Santa

Found this on Gather, and just HAD to share it! Here's the link to the original posting:


Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year.

I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand,

Visited their doctor's office more than my own doctor,

And sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money

To plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over

Several Christmas's since I had to write this letter

With my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt

In the laundry room between cycles, and who knows

When I'll find any more free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color except

Purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or

Flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my

Screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the

Seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint

Resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music;

A television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing

Talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment

Behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says,

"Yes Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with

Two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip

All the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting

"Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off

Your brother" because my voice seems to be just out of my

Children's' hearing range and can only be heard by the dogs....

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for

Enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same

Morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room

Temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to

Brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to

Declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around

The house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses

Of an organized crime family.

Well Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my

Feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door

And come on in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to the cookies on the table but don't eat too many

Or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM!!

P.S. One more thing . . . You can cancel all my requests if you can

Keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

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